Domestic violence against women is not often talked about in our communities. Imagine living with someone for whom you have affection, and being afraid that they may react violently towards you on some occasions. The victims of such reactions/assaults are oftentimes given to making excuses for their partners’ violent actions towards them. Domestic violence occurs among people of all cultural backgrounds and economic levels. Domestic violence against women is wrong; and women deserve better.
Besides the physical violence of domestic abuse, there is also emotional abuse. So just because a woman is not being physically beaten up, it does not mean that she is not being abused. The abuser will carry out emotional abuse to destroy her self-esteem. For example, in emotional abuse, the abuser will use hurtful words consistent with verbal abuse. The abuser will embarrass and try to control her along with threats of bodily harm, if she does not comply with his wishes. Emotional abuse is meant to break the woman down emotionally, and even physically bit-by-bit. With her self-worth and energy now gone for the most part; depression, anxiety and even suicidal thoughts can become a reality. Why should any man who calls himself a man mete out such on a fellow human being?
My dear man, are you a person who is in a close relationship with a woman, and uses manipulation, domination and control against your partner? Are you aware that you are meting out domestic violence against your partner by your actions? If you are this kind of abuser, chances are that you will stop at nothing to manipulate, dominate and control your partner, in this normally close or intimate relationship. The use of put-downs, blame, fear and threats to hurt your so-called loved one is your stock in trade.
My dear man, why should you want to have the woman in your life:
- Scared of you?
- Spend most of her time trying to please you?
- Avoid making you upset?
- Chooses what she says around you carefully?
Why do you:
- Blame her for your abusive behavior?
- Always insist that it is her fault that you hurt her?
- Dismisses her feelings?
- Shout at her frequently?
- Insist that she can’t do anything right for you?
- Find faults with the way she dresses?
- Play a seesaw game with her body image?
- Force her to have sex whether she wants to or not?
- Call her several times a day to check up on her?
- Occasionally threaten to kill her?
- Do your best to keep her away from her friends and family members so that it leads her to grow more dependent on you?
- Call her derogatory names such as bitch or whore, just to make her feel worthless and accept a feeling of worthlessness?
My concern is that a woman who is in an abusive relationship most times feels that she cannot do without her abuser even though she is suffering from physical and/or emotional abuse.
If you are a woman reading this column and are in an abusive relationship, you should seek help and never suffer in silence for the good of your own mental health and physical safety. There are some women who are living in abusive relationships, and are finding it hard to break free. Many abused women say that they do not know why they put up with their abuser. Although the abuser treats them badly, they just seem to stay in the relationship against their better judgment. Do not be that woman. Don’t let the fear that you cannot do it on your own hold you back, because this is not true. Every person deserves to be treated with respect and be valued.
Do not waste your life on an abuser, bending over backwards in order to please him. Don’t give up your voice and become passive. Don’t cry yourself to sleep most nights, and go into a state of depression. Don’t start drinking to drown your sorrows, because drinking will not take away the pain. You should stand up for yourself and challenge him. This is not someone who loves you; rather this is someone who is destroying your self-esteem, and your physical and mental health.
Getting rid of the abusive and controlling manipulator, the sorry, pitiable no-good loser of a man is the first step to solving your problem. Once you have done this, get help to heal, and be with people who will also encourage you not to make the same mistake again.
My dear man, if you are someone abusing your spouse or girlfriend, you are the lowest of the low, a sad example of a man, you need to get help fast. Go see a psychologist or psychiatrist to straighten you out. You are a sorry mess of a man and you need “deliverance”.