A married man goes to confessional and says to the priest, “Father, I had an affair with a woman… almost.” “What do you mean almost?” question the priest. “Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.” “Rubbing together is the same as putting it in,” explains the priest. “You’re not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary’s and put N5000 in the poor box.”
The man leaves confessional, says his prayers, and then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then decides to leave. The priest quickly runs over to the man and exclaims, “I saw that… you didn’t put any money in the poor box!” “Well Father, I rubbed up against it and, like you said, it’s the same as putting it in!”
THINK ABOUT IT
“He who gossips with you will also gossip about you.” – Spanish proverb.
QUESTION OF FAITH
QUESTION: Why did the Atheist cross the road?
ANSWER: He thought there might be a street on the other side, but he wouldn’t believe it until he tested his hypothesis.
NO LONGER AT EASE
First god created earth, then he rested…
Then he created man, then he rested…
Then he created women and no one has rested since!
CORNY CHAT UP LINE
Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.
THE SUNDAY JOKE
I’V GOT YOUR MAMA
Little Kola went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts. She said, “Well Kola, it isn’t Christmas and we don’t have the money to just go out and buy you anything you want. So why don’t you write a letter to Jesus and pray for one instead.” After his temper tantrum his mother sent him to his room. He finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus.
Dear Jesus, I’ve been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle. Your Friend, Kola.
Now, Kola knew that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was (brat), so he ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try.
Dear Jesus, I’ve been an OK boy this year and I want a new bicycle. Your Truly, Kola.
Well, Kola knew this wasn’t totally honest, so he tore it up and tried again.
Dear Jesus, I’ve thought about being a good boy this year and can I have a bicycle? Kola.
Well, Kola looked deep down in his heart, which by the way was what his mother really wanted. He knew he had been terrible and was deserving of almost nothing. He crumpled up the letter, threw it in the trash can and went running outside. He aimlessly wandered about depressed because of the way he treated his parents and really considered his actions. He finally found himself in front of a Catholic Church. Kola went inside and knelt down, looking around not knowing what he should really do. Kola finally got up and began to walk out the door and was looking at all the statues. All of a sudden he grabbed a small one and ran out the door. He went home, hid it under his bed and wrote this letter.
Jesus, I’ve got your mama. If you ever want to see her again, give me a bike! Sincerely, You know who.