Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Ireland. One is holding a cross and the other a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money into the hat of the man with the cross. Soon, the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty.
A priest watches for a while and then approaches the men. He says to the man with the Star of David, “Don’t you realize that this is a Catholic country? You’ll never get any contributions holding a Star of David.”
The man turns to the one with the cross and says, “Moishe, can you imagine, this goy is trying to tell us how to run our business?”
QUESTION: Why did God make man before He made woman?
ANSWER: Because He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
THE SUNDAY JOKE
DID IT MYSELF.
Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck. As he struggled to free his foot, he heard a noise and turned around. To his horror he saw a train coming.
Panicked he started to pray, “God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I’ll stop being bad!”
Nothing happened, his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the train getting closer! He prayed again, “God, please get my foot out and I’ll stop swearing AND being bad!”
Still nothing his foot was wedged tight. The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train’s horn blared.
He tried his plea one more time, “God, please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I’ll quit being bad, I’ll stop swearing, AND I’ll stop trying to look up little Mary’s dress.”
Just as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot broke free and he fell backwards, the train narrowly missing him. He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said “Thanks anyway God, I got it myself.”