Sunday Funnies: Action Secretary

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HOLY HUMOUR

ACTION SECRETARY

During a recent ecumenical meeting, a SECRETARY rushed in and shouted, “Fire! Fire!”

  • The METHODISTS gathered in the corner and prayed.
  • The BAPTISTS cried, “Where is the water?”
  • The LUTHERANS posted a notice on the door declaring the fire was evil.
  • The ROMAN CATHOLICS passed the plate to cover the damage.
  • The JEWS posted a symbol on the door hoping the fire would pass.
  • The CONGREGATIONALISTS shouted, “Every man for himself.”
  • The FUNDAMENTALISTS proclaimed, “It’s the vengeance of God.”
  • The EPISCOPALIANS formed a procession and marched out.
  • The CHRISTIAN SCIENTISTS concluded there was no fire.
  • The PRESBYTERIANS appointed a chair person who was to appoint a committee to look into the matter and submit a written report.
  • The PENTACOSTALS bound the spirit of combustion
  • The AMISH formed a bucket brigade.

The SECRETARY grabbed a fire extinguisher and put out the fire.

PREACH A GOOD SERMON

The preacher’s 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day she asked him why.

“Well, Honey,” he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, “I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.”

“How come He doesn’t do it?” she asked.

NEVER MIND GOD, I’VE SORTED IT.

Demola was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place.

Looking up toward heaven, he said “Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up beer.”

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Demola looked up again and said, “Never mind. I found one.”

THE SUNDAY JOKE

GATHER BY THE RIVER

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river!” The congregation nodded their approval. With even greater emphasis he added, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river, too!” The people clapped and were saying “Amen.” And then finally, he concluded, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river!”

As he sat down, the song leader then stood up quite cautiously and announced, “For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: “Shall We Gather at the River.”

What Do You Think?

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