Don’t think the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing, because it was here first. – Mark Twain
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: What do you call a sleeping bull?
WISE GUY: A bulldozer!
A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him profusely. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Biker says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I’ve seen a man do in my whole life.”
The Biker replies, “Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.”
The reporter says, “Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page… So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?”
The biker replies, “I’m a U.S. Marine and a Republican”.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: “U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH”
“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.” –
There was this lady -very talkative. Kept talking with people on the phone hour after hour when at home. Her husband was not pleased with this because at the end of every month they used to get a massive telephone bill.
One day they as the couple were having dinner, the phone rang and the lady jumped up to take the call and started chatting.
After about 30 minutes she hung up and came back to the table.
The husband was happy that she hung up in 30 minutes which was a good sign where she normally doesn’t hang up for at least for 2-hours. So he happily inquired, “is it that the caller was busy so you had to hang up so early?”
“No, it was a wrong number” she replied.
Man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, “No way man, you won’t bring it back.”