Moment of disappointment – when you can’t find the answers to your homework on Google.
REAL COURT RECORD
QUESTION: Now then, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
ANSWER: By death.
QUESTION: And by whose death was it terminated?
WISE GUY’S ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? ANSWER: Ouch
In about 20 years, the hardest thing our kids will have to do is find a username that isn’t taken.
A man and his wife are driving down the road when a cop pulls them over. The cop says to the man, “Do you know that you were speeding?” The man replies, “No sir, I didn’t know I was speeding.” The mans wife then yells, “Yes you did, you knew you were speeding I’ve been telling you to slow down for miles.” “SHUT UP!” the man says to his wife, “Shut the hell up, just sit back and be quite.” Then the cop says, “Well, since I’ve got you pulled over did you know that the tag on your license plate is expired?” “No Sir” the man replies, “I did not know that” “WHATEVER!” His wife yells, “I’ve been telling you to go get it up to date for 2 whole months now!” “Shut up” the man yells to his wife again! “Sit back and shut up, mind your own business!” Curios, the cop walks over to the woman’s side of the car and asks her, “Does he always talk to you this way?” “No” she replies, ” Only when he’s drinking!”
“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.” – Abba Eban
TIME FOR GAMES
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
“I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?”
His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at nine o’clock every night… whether you’re here or not.”