My job is like abusive relationships. I want to walk away but instead I keep coming back for more…
POLITICIANS LOVE TO HAVE IT FREE
A priest walked into a barbershop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord.” The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.
Later that day, a police officer came in and got his haircut. He then asked how much it was. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the community.” The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police officer.
Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much it was. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the country.” The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators in front of the door.
YOU MUST BE KIDDING ME LAWYER!
(REAL COURT RECORDS)
QUESTION: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
ANSWER: I’ll be three months on March 12th.
QUESTION: Apparently then, the date of conception was around January 12th?
QUESTION: What were you doing at that time?
“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” – Mark Twain
A married couple went out to a nice restaurant to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.
While driving home the wife saw a tear coming from her husband’s eye.
“Are you happy that we have spent 50 splendid years together?” she said.
He said, “No.
I was just thinking about our wedding and how your father threatened me with a shotgun that is I didn’t marry you right then he would have me thrown in prison for 50 years.
Tomorrow I could have been free!”