Don’t give a woman advice. One should never give a woman anything she can’t wear in the evening. – Oscar Wilde
Anee one you like!
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
WISE GUY: Very large hands
TEACHER AND STUDENT
A little girl was asking her teacher.
Girl: “Can my mom get pregnant?”
Teacher: “How old is your mom?”
Girl: “She’s 40!”
Teacher: Yes, she can.”
Girl: “Can my sister get pregnant?”
Teacher: “How old is your sister?”
Girl: “She’s 18.”
Teacher: “Yes, she can.”
Girl: “Can I get pregnant?
Teacher: “How old are you?”
Girl: “I’m 12.”
Teacher: “No you cannot get pregnant.”
A lil boy sitting behind the lil girl said, “I told you we have nothing to worry about.”
The teacher fainted.
NKECHI: Whatever happened to that couple who met in the revolving door?
NGOZIE: I think they’re still going around together.
The classified advert said: “Wanted: experienced lumberjack,” A man responding to the ad was asked to describe his experience.
“I’ve worked in the Sahara Forest.”
“You mean the Sahara Desert?” the interviewer asked.
The lumberjack laughed. “Is that what they call it now?”
I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.” – George Bernard Shaw
A man returned home and finds his wife in bed with his best friend. He took his gun, killed his friend and then asked his wife:
“What you going to say to me now?”
The wife answered:
“If you keep like that, you won’t have any friends left soon.
FUNNY COURT TRANSCRIPT
This is from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?