Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a musician.
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: What’s wrong with Lawyer jokes?
WISE GUY: Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and nobody else thinks they’re jokes.
“The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn’t have to watch.” – Dave Barry
NON FOR THE ROAD
An old man is lying on his deathbed with his children, grandchildren, and older great-grandchildren all around, teary-eyed at the approaching finale of a very long and productive life. The old man is in a terminal coma, and the doctors have confirmed that the waiting will be over within the next twenty-four hours. Suddenly, the old man opens his eyes and croaks: “I must be dreaming of heaven! I smell your grandmother’s strudel!”
“No, grandfather, you are not dreaming. Grandmother is baking strudel now.”
“I know I will never have another taste of her delicious strudel after this one. Could you please go down and get me a piece?”, the old man begs with what is left of his final breath.
One of the grandchildren is immediately dispatched to honor the old man’s last request. After a long time, he returns empty-handed.
“Did you bring me one last piece of your grandmother’s delicious strudel?” the old man plaintively queries.
“I’m very sorry, grandfather, but she says it’s for the funeral.”
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl’s grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked: “Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?”
“Of course not, dear.” replied the mother, “Why would you think that?”
“The tombstone back there said ‘Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'”