LAUGH QUOTE
I don’t go with feminism. My advice to women is to marry a rich guy with a bad heart, then creep up behind him and go “Boo!” – Joan Rivers
Knock! Knock!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Otto. Otto who?
Otto know.
I’ve got amnesia.
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: River Benue flows in which state?
WISE GUY: Liquid
TEACHER AND STUDENT
Boy and his teacher conversation:
Boy: “Can I go to the toilet please?”
Teacher: “Say your alphabet.”
Boy: “abcd efgh ijkl mnoq rstu vwxy z”
Teacher: “You forgot about the p.”
Boy: “The p went down my pants.”
DATING JOKE
“How was your blind date?” a college student asked her twenty-one-year-old roommate.
“Terrible!” she moaned. “He showed up in his 1932 Rolls-Royce,” “Wow! That’s a very expensive car. What’s so bad about that?”
“He was the original owner.”
BUSINESS JOKE
NICE HOUSE
A Chinese man rings his boss, “Me no work I sick.
” Boss says, “When I’m sick, I make love with my wife. Try that.”
Two hours later the Chinese man rings back, “Me better, you got nice house.”
MARRIED LIFE
A wife to her husband: Honey, what are you doing?
Husband: I’m reading our marriage certificate.
Wife: What for?
Husband: I’m looking for the expiry date.
CUTTING COMMENT
“Gee, you look marvelous! Did you have plastic surgery?”
APOLOGY.
A Professor crossing from one bank of a river to another by boat asked the boat operator?
“Do you know anything about Biology, Ecology, Zoology or Physiology?
The boat operator said no to all his questions.
Professor: What then do you know?
Boat operator: Not much.
Professor: Since you know little or nothing, you will die of illiteracy.
After a while the boat hit an unseen obstacle, which cut a big hole in the boat, and it began to sink. The boat operator asked the Professor, do you know swim ology, escapology and croc ology?
The professor said no, no, no!
Boat operator: “Well, croc ology will eat your assology since your Biology, ecology, zoology and physiology are an apology right now.
FUNNY COURT TRANSCRIPT
This is from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.