“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.” – Winston Churchill
Roach you a letter, did you get it?
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
WISE GUY: You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.
TEACHER AND STUDENT
Teacher: “How can you prove the earth is round?”
Student: “I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.”
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was very cold; the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realise how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing with joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him.
(1) Not everyone who shits on you in your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you are in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
“Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody’s face but their own”–Jonathan Swift
Three women talk about their husband’s performance as lovers.
The first woman says, “My husband is a marriage counselor, so he always buys me flowers and candy before we make love.”
The second woman says, “My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and use leather sometimes.”
The third woman shakes her head and says, “My husband works as a Creative Director in a Drama Company. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it’s going to be when I get it.”