The computer suddenly crashed and deleted all the work I haven’t done this morning…
A man got a call from his doctor who said “I have some bad news and some terrible news, which would you rather hear first?” The man says “The bad news.” The doctor says “The lab messed up your tests and when they re-did them, they found out you only have 48 hours to live!” The man exclaimed “What could be more terrible than that!!??” The doctor replied “we tried all day yesterday to get hold of you but your phone was busy!”
FUNNY COURT TRANSCRIPT
This is from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” – Clarence Darrow
LEFT HAND GOOF
“Dear,” said the wife. “What would you do if I died?” ”Why, dear, I would be extremely upset,” said the husband. ”Would you remarry?” asked the wife. “No, of course not, dear” said the husband. “Don’t you like being married?” said the wife. “Of course I do, dear” he said. ”Then why wouldn’t you remarry?” she asked. “Alright,” said the husband, “I’d remarry.” “You would?” said the wife, looking vaguely hurt. “Yes” said the husband. ”Would you sleep with her in our bed?” asked the wife. “Well yes, I suppose I would.” replied the husband. “I see,” said the wife indignantly. ”And would you let her wear my old clothes?” “I suppose, if she wanted to” said the husband. “Really,” said the wife icily. ”And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?” “Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do.” “Is that so?” said the wife, leaping to her feet. “And I suppose you’d let her play with my golf clubs, too.” ”Of course not, dear,” said the husband. “She’s left-handed!”