If you are born in September, it’s obvious that your parents started their New Year with a Bang!
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?
WISE GUY: The bucket.
TEACHER AND STUDENT
A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, “Using every applicable thing you’ve learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST.”
So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn’t exist, except for one student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, and then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers.
Time goes by, and the day comes when all the students get their final grades … and to the amazement of the class, the student who wrote for thirty seconds gets the highest grade in the class.
His answer to the question: “What chair?”
A man went into a lawyer’s office, and demanded to see the lawyer. He was escorted into the lawyer’s office.
The man needed legal help, but he knew how expensive lawyers could be, so he inquired, “Can you tell me how much you charge?”
“Of course”, the lawyer replied, “I charge $500 to answer three questions.”
“Don’t you think that’s an awful lot of money to answer three questions?”
“Yes it is”, answered the lawyer, “What’s your third question?”
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx
I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW.
There was a big business tycoon and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said: “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said: “You’re cute!”
Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.”
She said: “What happened to ‘beautiful’?”
He replied: “The drugs are wearing off!”