“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in It.” – W. C. Fields
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
WISE GUY: Three. One to prosecute, one to defend, one to screw it the same way they do everything else.
TEACHER AND STUDENT
TEACHER: John, how do you spell “crocodile”?
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
JOHN: Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
DON’T MESS WITH PROFESSIONALS
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer’s club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money.
The gang was very happy to escape. “It ain’t so bad,” one crook noted. “We got $25 between us.”
The boss screamed: “I warned you to stay clear of lawyers … we had $100 when we broke in!”
“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.” – Groucho Marx
UNDER A SPELL
A man goes to see a wizard and says: “Can you lift a curse that was put on me years ago?”
“Maybe” says the wizard, “If you can remember the exact words of the curse.”
The man replies without hesitation: “I now pronounce you as man and wife!”