“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” – Emo Philips
REAL COURT RECORDS
Question: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
Answer: I used to be.
Question: How many times have you committed suicide?
“How do you feel about women’s rights? I like either side of them.” – Groucho Marx
CAN’T WIN WITH MY PARENTS
Deji is 35 years old and he is still single.
One day his friend Tunde asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?”
Deji replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.”
Tunde thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.”
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?”
With a frown on his face, Deji answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.”
Tunde said, “Then what’s the problem?”
Deji replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why, of course,” comes the reply. The first man then asks, “Where are you from?” “I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man. The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.” “Of course,” says the second. Curious, the first asks: “Where in Ireland?” “Dublin,” comes the reply. “I can’t believe it, me too! Lets have another round of drinks to Dublin.” “Of course” The second man can’t help himself so he asks, “What school did you go too?” “Saint Mary’s”, replies the first man. “I graduated in ’62” “This is becoming unbelievable!!!” They say in union. About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. “What’s up?” he asks the bartender. “Nothing much,” replied the bartender. “The O’Malley twins are drunk again!”