Relax And Laugh : Bulk Purchase

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 by Charles O. Anyiam-Osigwe.

Why and Wherefores

Q: How did the cute little babe leave her Karate expert boyfriends?

A: She just gave him the chop.

Q:Why did the woman divorce her butcher husband?

A:Because he beefed endlessly whenever he was at home.

Q: Do you know why the farmer left his wife of forty years?

A: She had become an old cow.

 

Thoughtful Relatives

The soldier went to his commanding officer and asked for leave to attend his grandmother’s funeral. “Youngman” said his commanding officer, “sometime ago, it was leave to attend your great grandfather’s funeral, then, your grandfather on your father’s side, then that on your mother’s side. Next it was mother’s aunt, then your uncle on your father’s side, now your grandmother on your mother’s side. How come anytime you want to skivvy off, a relative of yours dies?”

Soldier: “I suppose it’s because they’re very considerate”.

 

Always Preaching

The lady Minister was preparing her Sunday sermon. Stumped for ideas, she turned to her husband, “What’s the most inspiring sermon you’ve ever heard me preach?” She enquired. “At me or the congregation?,” came the response.

 

Drastic Solution

A man went to see a doctor. “Doc, I’ve not slept a wink for the past two weeks”.

Doctor: Why, what seems to be the matter?

Man: It’s my wife’s snoring/ It’s driving me nuts.

Doctor: What solutions have you tried?

Man: Everything under the sun, but none seems to work.

Doctor: Have you tried divorcing her?

 

Place of Solace

Barman: Excuse my asking, but you’re always here, 7 days a week, 365 days in the year until closing time – Are you not married?

Man: I am. That’s the reason I stay until I’m forced to go.

 

Money Grows from Daddy

Six year old boy to his daddy: Daddy, can I have five hundred naira to buy some snacks?

Daddy: Five hundred naira! Do you think money grows on trees?

Boy: I know they don’t dad, that’s why I’m asking you for it.

 

Bulk Purchase

A chap and his fiancé were having an argument.

He: I’m having second thoughts about our marriage. It seems I’m getting more than I bargained for.

She: How do you mean?

He: When I proposed, you weighted about 65kgs. Now you are 120kgs.

 

Competitive Market

Two girlfriends meeting after many years apart:

1st Lady: Still searching for Mr. Right. However, of late, I’m on the lookout for Mr. Wrong. The competition for Mr. Right is high – all the single girls are after him.

 

Oh, What a Night!

Two young maidens were discussing their knights in shining armour…

1st Maiden: How was your date with your new knight last night?

2nd Maiden: Oh, what a night!

 

Walkabout

Wife to husband: Why are you so wayward?

Husband: I’m not wayward – I know my way around.

 

Buddy Bye

Man drinking in a bar, to stranger:

Man: My wife’s run away with my best buddy. We had many laughs together – drank together, kissed the girls and made them cry. Man, he was fun to be with. It makes me sad that he did this.

Stranger: So you are not happy because he ran away with your wife?

Man: No, I’m just sad for him because he’s gone and lumbered himself with that miserable so and so.

 

Image: http://www.whur.com/

 

What Do You Think?

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