By Mimi Adebayo
Tom isn’t used to being single for long. He isn’t promiscuous nor is he looking for a roll in the hay; he is just not comfortable being alone. If asked, he will say he always needs a woman to make him feel complete or secure.
Margaret wants love. She believes in true love and that her Prince Charming is out there waiting for her. She feels that any guy that comes around her could be a potential Mister Right so she doesn’t often turn down a proposal. Because of this, she’s tested many Mister Rights and they’ve taken a piece of her with them but Margret doesn’t mind because she knows she wants to be loved and cherished and someday she’s sure she’ll find Mister Right.
Irene doesn’t really want to date anyone now, but all her friends are doing it. Everywhere she looks, someone is holding hands or making lovey-dovey eyes and she’s beginning to feel left out. She makes up her mind that soon she’ll have to join the league, just for fun.
Matthew hates sleeping alone at night. Recently, his pillow has become his companion and he’s embarrassed to admit that he holds his pillow like he would a girlfriend if he has one. He wants to be held and cuddled; he misses the physical intimacy a girlfriend brings and he wants his loneliness to be a thing of the past. Next on his list, get a girlfriend.
Aliyah is thrity-two and her family keep telling her that her time is ticking. She needs to get someone fast! Aliyah wouldn’t admit it but she is desperate to please her parents and desperate enough to settle for any man at all.
The list goes on and on; everyone wants to be in a relationship for one reason or the other; it is funny to note that most of these reasons are selfish and sometimes wrong. Many relationships end faster than it started because they started on the wrong foot, because they started for the wrong reasons. Sadly, loneliness is usually the biggest motivation to go into a relationship; it is also the worst.
Relationships have a lot of emotions invested in them so it is wise for whoever wants to get into one, to slow down and look deep within them to get the real reason why they want a relationship. How concrete are your reasons? Are they borne out of boredom, loneliness, pressure or even hurt?
It would help while trying to decide if your reasons are valid to make a list or questionnaire of some sorts, asking yourself questions like:
- Am I ready emotionally?
- Am I ready physically?
- Am I ready psychologically?
- Am I ready spiritually?
For those who are looking forward to starting a solid relationship, when you have examined yourself you will find that you have your standards and you do not fall for any Tom, Dick and Harry that comes your way. Relationships that are built on decisiveness usually last longer because both parties are aware of what they want and why they’re together.
Love can’t be stereotyped and no one is saying it should be; all we’re saying is don’t run into a relationship for the wrong reasons. When your relationship didn’t happen just “ because”, it has a stronger foundation and higher chances of success.