Random Silliness: Big Girl Wanna Be


By Bimbola Segun-Amao

It’s tad difficult to hang around Lagos big babes and not want to upgrade. Lagos socialites are grand, their presence and expansive lifestyles leaves a taste in your mouth, it could be sour, sweet, or desire. The socialite greeting is different; it can’t be flat and unnoticed, there must be something eventful about it; a high-pitched ‘hi, you look so fab!’ to the air-kisses and brief embraces, the embrace is gone before your arm goes round the other person, I think they rehearse those things.

A typical Lagos big girl doesn’t do the dump, when she hurts, she makes a sweet sound so much you want to hurt yourself to find out if you can be such a delight when hurt. Her life is permanently on auto-pilot, her thirst for fame and relevance holding the control. She buys every ticket offered her, must be at every carpet, red, blue, green…she’s at wherever the buzz is, wears the best from top-notch designers and everyday, she wakes up like this, flawless! Such an enviable life.

Until this Sunday evening, I was at this classy event, the big boys and gals present, fab cocktails, fab finger foods,and there for sale were fab fashion items- it was going to be a fab sin if you do not buy any of the apparels. So like bees, we got lost in the rows of clothes, checking out pieces one after the other.

So many beautiful pieces, vibrant colours and neat finishings as expected. And there were dresses, but not like I loved them, they were maxi mostly and the store had more for the plus size. I was going to take my seat when I spotted a champagne colour lace jump suit. That colour would bring out the shine in any girl, it was just it. So I picked the size 10 and headed to the fitting room to try it on with one of the girls.

We didn’t make it to the fitting room before I noticed the price tag. Oh my life! The jump-suit is 50k. That’s a big chunk of my salary, where will I wear it to? Am I going to see the Queen of England? I almost dropped the piece like it was a plague, but I didn’t.

I tried out the outfit and it was magnificent except that the zip wouldn’t come up. The trunk was obviously not designed for someone who’s got some inches by the tummy. The sweet attendant told me I could come make an order for it with my accurate measurement. I smiled and asked her when the shop closes on week days like I would be back during the week.

I happily changed into my outfit and smiled back to my seat. What would I have done if the dress was my size? Faint? Disappear into thin air? Buy it? Maybe ask for it in another colour, say ‘yellowish-red’, you know, those non-existing colour. Wow, these girls pay so much for pieces made from laces and chiffons brought from the same Idumota, I tell you. To be a Lagos big girl, you may sweat blood, spend more than you earn and smile while it hurts especially when you are forcing your way in.

I’m not ready yet, I need to go make more money and get my head straight.

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