This is the third part of a 5-part series of articles written in a male column addressed to the sisters. The author sees it as a reverse way of talking to the brothers to mend their ways in matters concerning the heart where the sisters are concerned.
PROMISES – PROMISES
I recall an article I read on Pride Nigeria online in the Dear Dorothy column way back in May 2014 with the same title. I borrowed my introduction from that write up, and thank Dorothy for granting the permission to do so.
I am a married woman. One day, while I was brooding over a misunderstanding with my husband, the song “(I Never Promised You A) Rose Garden,” popularised by country music singer Lynn Anderson, played over the radio. I began to reflect on the lyrics of the song with respect to my relationship with my husband, and how most of the sweet promises made were never really kept. Dorothy, I think it would be good to write to ladies, that they should not take all things a man says hook, line and sinker.
What you said is very sound and succinct; and I will share with my readers. Most men like to promise ladies the moon. I think that men should stop and think through the promises they make. But to be fair, we ladies also promise the moon to men as well. When it comes to marriage, my advice is that we should be mindful of the promises we make especially during the period of courtship, when we realise the relationship is serious and would likely lead to marriage. Once married, there is a tendency to forget (or pretend to forget) all those promises made and go “I BEG YOUR PARDON…”
Wow! The writer to Dorothy made a salient point which is – “Dorothy, I think it would be good to write to ladies, that they should not take all things a man says hook, line and sinker”. And I appreciate this advice by Dorothy that – “When it comes to marriage, my advice is that we should be mindful of the promises we make especially during the period of courtship, when we realise the relationship is serious and would likely lead to marriage. Once married, there is a tendency to forget (or pretend to forget) all those promises made and go “I BEG YOUR PARDON…” ”
So ladies be weary of the promises of men. Let us consider here just a few you should take with a pinch of salt.
- I will love and be with you always.
This is a possibility that can only be in one’s heart. It is possible to always love someone but physical togetherness on a day-to-day basis may not be feasible. He can’t always be where you are all the time. The crux of a relationship is to stay loyal and faithful to your beloved together or apart.
- I will never break your heart or hurt you in any way.
No relationship is perfect. Couples no matter how much they love each other can and do have misunderstandings. The important thing is to always kiss and make up, and not carry the hurt like a badge of honour. St. Paul’s advice in Romans 14:19 is apt – “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification”.
- I will give you everything you want – trust me I will provide for you.
Men are wont to make this kind of promise especially at the height of courtship. But ladies, if you believe that a man can “give you everything you want”, you must be very naive. So if he has promised you heaven on earth, he has led you on. Heaven is not on this earth which is full of its trials and tribulations. In reality, a man can put his best foot forward, trying to do things for you and provide for you, but he may fall short of your expectations. He can only do his best.
by Christopher Onyewuchi
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