Love & Sex: Finding The Right Person (Part 1)

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By Mimi Adebayo

When Susan wanted to get married, she had a list of what she wanted in her husband; tall, dark, handsome, witty, intelligent, a great sense of humour. She wanted someone confident who could be selfless and caring. She wanted someone who would complete her and make her imperfections go away.

 

First off, no man or woman can complete you. Delete that fallacy from your head. You are complete; a whole package and if you need someone before you actually feel complete then there’s a little problem somewhere.

I can’t exhaust the tips on finding the right person in one article so I’ll just list a few and continue with the others next week. Here they are:

  • Concentrate on being you. Some people have no idea who they are yet. They are waiting for someone to come into their lives and define them. You cannot know what you want if you don’t know who you are. You have to define who you are when you meet new people or else any Tom, Dick, Harry, Jane, Zoe or Amaka could walk into your life and begin to give you directives on who and what you should be.

Ask yourself this question; when you walk into a room, who do people think you are? Are you that guy that has the characteristics of a chameleon, willing to change into whatever anyone wants you to be just to make them happy? Or are you the lady who lets her friends introduce her to all kinds of guys because she doesn’t know what exactly she wants? And truth is, sometimes what you think you want isn’t what you want.

You meet a new guy today and you want to impress him so you take on the identity of someone else because you feel who you are is not good enough. Listen, no man or woman can make you feel better about yourself, that responsibility is solely yours.

Be comfortable with being you and if no man/woman can appreciate that then they don’t deserve you.

  • Embark on a search. This is a delicate issue which might have many women rearing their heads in indignation but hear me out first. I’m not gonna dwell much on this aspect from the guys’ point of view because most times, they are the ones who seek out the lady that catches their interest so I’d like to talk more about the ladies. I know how society and culture has drilled it in our heads that we have to sit back and let the man seek us out.

But then I say; let’s take a leaf from Ruth in the Holy Bible. We didn’t see her sitting back and waiting for Boaz to notice her and make the move. She knew what she wanted and when she saw it in Boaz, she wasted no time in making her interest known. I know this goes against all our sensibilities as women. And this doesn’t mean you need to take on an aggressive approach to find your man. Be innovative. Use the brain God gave you so you don’t settle for second best.

To Be Continued…

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