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Love And Sex: Coping With Some Of The Challenges Of Single Motherhood


Relationship matters.

When you are a single mother and want to begin a relationship with a guy, you wrestle with how your children will take on board the fact that you are dating, as well as how the new man in your life will relate to your child or children.

When it comes to communication with your child or children, a good rule to apply is to be upfront and direct with them depending on their age. Do not lie about the fact that you are dating. However, be careful to separate “Church and State”, that is your feelings and the details of your relationship should be your own secret not to be shared with your child. It is fine to let them know the basic facts – that you are dating and you both like each other, but your children do not need to be given further details. Let the child know that friendship and companionship are important in people’s lives. He or she as a child has friends and companions s/he socializes with.

It is also important for the man in your life to know that your love for your child or children in no way affects your feelings for him. Each has their special place in your heart.

Difficulty with meeting the right man.

It is usually difficult for a single mother to meet men and thus develop a relationship. However, a little effort is needed.  Instead of focusing on meeting a potential partner, take part in programs or events which you enjoy and where you are likely to meet people of the opposite sex in a routine manner. Church societies, volunteer activities, sports clubs, social clubs, etc. Get out; be social and friendly with no expectations. As you get involved in events or things you love doing or are passionate about, your circle of friends and associates will increase, and you never know how that can impact positively on your love life.

Privacy and Sex Issues.

When you are a single parent, it is important not to introduce any man into your family routine unless you know that you are going steady with the partner. Most children are not very happy with mummy bringing home one “uncle” after another. This impacts on their emotional stability.

When you are in a steady relationship, it helps that the child relates well with the said “uncle”, and he or she understands that the “uncle” may sometimes spend time in your home or stay over for the night or at weekends.

When your man stays over, consider locking your bedroom door so that your child has to knock to get access and this helps maintain privacy.

Coping with difficult children.

Sometimes your child or children may feel like the person you are dating is taking you away from them, which may lead to their acting up with a view to disrupt the relationship. This can lead to one taking the decision to give up on her love life and solely focus on the children. This may not be the best way forward. The best for all parties would be to try not to disrupt your family’s routine but work around it to allow you time to spend with the man in your life. You may consider having a trusted friend or their grandparents look after them when you want time with your man. Do not feel guilty about having a social life of your own. A happy mum results in a happy home.

Making your man feel wanted.

Schedule time for romance, companionship and sex with your man. Give your relationship some priority so that your man does not think he is taking second place to your children. Your nanny, friends and family members can look after the child or children when you need to take time out to be with your man.

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