Dear Dorothy: From Facebook to Face-To-Face


Dear Dorothy,
My wife and I have been married for seven years. Unfortunately my work involves a lot of traveling and this keeps me very much occupied. I feel that my work schedule has left me with little or no time for my family, so much so that I think I have largely ignored my wife and we seem to be drifting apart. I inadvertently read her Facebook message. I went to a laptop to log into my Facebook account, but it was already logged into hers, with her messages open. I read the email string, which was from another man.

I got quite uncomfortable with what I was reading because there was a lot of flirting going on, mostly on the guy’s part. I confronted my wife about it and she said it was an old boyfriend from her university days, and that there was nothing to it. I told her that I was bothered by the fact that she is keeping in regular contact with an ex- boyfriend and I want her to put a stop to it. She said it was all-innocent and that I have no reason to worry. To her the ex was nothing more than a “pen pal”.

Dorothy, given that I am not able to pay full attention to my wife due to my work, how can I get her to break off this “innocent” communication on Facebook before it leads to a face-to-face between the two of them. I cannot predict how their meeting would evolve to something that can endanger our marriage. I do love my wife. What should I do?

My Dear,
Did you expect another human being with feelings, needs, and emotions to just sit and wait for you to wake up from your obsession with work and attend to her needs and desires? You made it easy for another man to sweet talk your wife, and now you are upset. You say the two of you have been drifting apart. This distance is sure to occur when you let work take precedence over your family life. Both aspects of your life are important and must be balanced rationally.

My opinion is that your neglect of your wife is leading her to seek some form of comfort and attention. You state that you love her. Love is feelings and emotions in action. Show your wife that you love her. Love her like a kid loves candies. I do not mean smother her, but love her in a way that she knows and feels it deep down, in a way she does not ever doubt your love for her. Love, affection, attention, respect, and oh yes more love…let her see and experience it from you.

I do believe that your marriage stands a chance because your wife is assuring you that there is nothing untoward going on. She has not argued with you about wanting to keep her friend. She has not contended that you do not trust her. You voiced your concerns and she reacted pretty well.

So trust her and cherish her. Good luck.


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