Air Peace

Forget what the movies tell you, you can’t love someone you don’t know

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By Mimi Adebayo

Bisi met Tony two days ago and hasn’t been able to stop thinking about him since then. When she closes her eyes to sleep, a picture of Tony’s handsome face flashes before her eyes and she can’t help but smile. It seems like she’s been walking on air; in a state of perpetual bliss. She thinks about him all day and it doesn’t help that she’s constantly texting him. Bisi swears that she’s never felt anything like this before; her feelings for this guy are so strong and inexplicable. “How could she fall for someone in such a short time?” She often asks herself. Could it have been love at first sight?

Grrriiinng! Stop right there! That doesn’t exist. Love at first sight is a no-no. What does exist in real life is infatuation at first sight. Forget what the movies tell you, you can’t love someone you don’t know. So how can there be love at first sight? See, that’s the difference between love and infatuation or crushes.

Yes, infatuation can be compared to an obsession. When you’re infatuated, you idealize the person. It becomes a classic case of see no evil, do no evil.

Everything about him/her seems so flawless. Whenever you’re together the air is charged with the aura of perfection. Everything screams at you that this is ‘the one’.

But guess what? Infatuation lasts but for a while. It is always short lived. It starts powerful and eventually reduces to dying embers. Know this;

  • For real love to happen; the infatuation has to make an exit so that the scales will fall from your eyes.
  • Infatuation will make the person look perfect so that he/she can keep idealizing him/her but real love will strip away the seeming perfections and accept the faults of the person.
  • Real love is mature and in for the long haul. It might not ignite immediately but its flames will definitely last longer.
  • Infatuation creates unrealistic expectations and beliefs about the person just to maintain the state of perpetual bliss. He/ she don’t want to know that the person in question isn’t a god but mere human with blemishes.
  • Infatuation focuses on the satisfaction gotten and never cares about what it’s giving. Infatuation says ‘she makes me laugh and feel good about myself’, real love says ‘I like making her laugh and making her happy.’
  • Infatuation avoids fights or misunderstandings. It shatters their illusion of perfection. Real love believes that while that person might not always make you happy; your love for them doesn’t waver.
  • Infatuation works if you’re looking for a brief, passionate affair because once the sparks die out, what is left might be nothing but loathing.

It is essential to detect whether your relationship is based on love or infatuation and for those who are single and happen to bump into a cute guy or lady with whom you feel the sparks flying; take a step back and try to get a clearer picture of what exactly it is you’re feeling before you act on it.

What Do You Think?

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