Dear Dorothy: Should I Ignore His Financial State and Marry Him?


Dear Dorothy,

I am a 32 year-old professional lady in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend. We have been dating for about six years. Although he has proposed marriage to me, I feel it will not be right to marry him as he is not yet financially stable and I would not want my man to be dependent on me in a marital relationship. However, I feel that my biological clock is ticking and am wondering whether I should ignore his financial state and go ahead and marry him.

Most of my childhood friends and former school mates are married, having children and seem to be living happily with their mates, and I long for same. I envy the life my friends are living, and I sometimes get depressed and wish I could be them.

Dorothy please what do you advise I do?

My dear,

I am sure you have heard the statement that the grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence. However, if the truth be told, the reality is usually not so. Most couples have their challenges, they fight and have problems. Some may be financially successful, but that doesn’t guarantee a happy marriage. Some have lousy dysfunctional marriages, and just hang on for the sake of the children, or for appearances.

Stop comparing yourself to others. You will only make yourself miserable. Life is what you make of it, and not the material things you have. Yes money is important, but money does not bring happiness on its own. Money can buy you material things, but not peace of mind.

If your boyfriend is making an honest effort to be financially stable and he is good husband material, and you as a professional woman can sustain the family, I do not think you should go ahead and marry him just so that you can start having children as you seem worried about this. It is true marriages fail under financial strain, but people often get married before they have attained some form of financial stability. Good relationships survive financial stresses and couples remain intact through thick and thin. That is what love is about. Stability, compatibility, good communication, and compromise are necessary for a good marriage. If you have a good mixture of these ingredients, you will build a very happy life together.

Good luck.

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