I have been married for nine years and have two children – a boy of eight and a girl of five. I would love to have more children, but my husband does not want to. A few months ago I fell pregnant, but my husband didn’t want another child and forced me to have an abortion. I am an emotional wreck because I am deeply opposed to abortion on moral grounds, and also really wanted the baby. I feel I was forced to go through with the abortion because my husband threatened that he would end the marriage if I went through with the pregnancy.
In addition, about a year ago I fell in love with someone at my workplace, and with this dilemma with my husband, is making me completely reassess my marital relationship. He’s also married and has two children. He makes me feel special and wanted.
What do I do?
Love cannot thrive when one or both partners are selfish, or to borrow a phrase from a popular telecom advert of a few years back – “It’s all about you”. Your husband did not do the right thing to force you to abort a child of his. Talk to him and tell him your real feelings. Be courageous, and explain the emotional price you are paying by his fixed position on the subject of aborting your baby.
About your loving two men, I am of the opinion that true love is total, and you cannot love the two men completely as you or the other deserve. You should not complicate your life by having an affair, because the core issue is the problems you’re having with your husband. You may be desiring a new lover simply because you are unhappy in your marriage. You resent your husband forcing you to have an abortion, and it is possible he’s a selfish man and simply doesn’t realise how he is turning you into an emotional wreck. Forgive yourself and forgive your husband too, the deed is done already.
It is not advisable for you to fall pregnant again while you are trying to work things out. It is not fair to bring any child into a troubled home. Only if you’ve done everything you can to save your marriage and failed in doing so, should you think about ending your present marriage and starting up another relationship.