Dear Dorothy: I Don’t Love My Husband Anymore

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Dear Dorothy,

I married my husband when I was 18 and he was 28.  I think that I was too young to get married, but my parents wanted the marriage because both families knew each other and were close. We have been married for nearly 30 years; and have 3 grown up children together. However, I think because we’ve been together for so long, and especially for me from such a fairly young age, I think we have changed over time and grown apart. I find that instead of loving him and being attracted to him like I should, I see him more like a friend. He does not excite me anymore, and I am starting to look elsewhere (although I have not strayed). I have tried talking to him about how I feel, but we have made no progress. He knows how I feel and has started to pay more attention to me, taking me to see movies, and dining out at weekends.

But the extra attention is not making much impact on how I feel about him.  I really don’t love him anymore, and I am beginning to think that we should go our separate ways, but still remain friends.

What do you advise me to do Dorothy?

My Dear,

I think that if you really don’t love your husband anymore, and you are feeling trapped and unhappy, it may be best if you both go your separate ways. It will not be fair to him to be in a relationship with no love from you, or is it fair to you to be unhappy staying in the relationship with someone you don’t love.

However, before you take the final step, you really need to sit down and sincerely and frankly have a heart-to-heart with your husband. He has been making efforts to rekindle your love for him and if there is any possibility that you may get to be fond of him again, you should give it a go.

You may be thinking that you missed a lot of fun with your mates by getting married early, and may be looking to have some of the missed fun before you turn 50. But my dear, a lot of what we think is fun is very relative. I think that since your husband is willing to make the effort and is making some effort, you should see how you could corporate with him to get what you think you are missing.

Good luck.

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