Dear Dorothy: He Wants a Relationship without Strings Attached


Dear Dorothy,

I met a man at a party and we got on so well. He told me he felt comfortable around me, and wanted us to get to know each other. We started dating, and have known each other for about three months now. Recently, he told me he only wanted a casual relationship. I am 24 and expressed that I would not be comfortable with a casual relationship. I do not want to have sex with just anyone. I want to be in a long term relationship that will end in marriage. He told me that I am a nice girl and fun to be with, but he is not ready for a committed relationship. I’m so upset that he doesn’t want a relationship, as I can even see myself being married to him. I miss his company when we are apart. Should I take up his offer of a relationship without any commitment on his part, just so I can be with him?

My dear,

Please don’t sell yourself short. Look at it this way: this man probably knows what he’s doing and is pretty good at it. Dating you and making you fall for him, and then letting you know he’s not in the market for a relationship, just sex. You end up as a number – one of his many conquests.

We all want to love and be loved. Saying that he does not want to make any commitments just means he has no inclination to love you. Now, how do you feel about being very intimate with someone who does not care for you? You would basically be demeaning yourself by not being true to your principles. You cannot go wrong in life when you know and you stand by what you will or will not tolerate.

I take it you have respect for yourself. Draw up your boundaries and be strong. My advice is that you find the strength to walk away from this situation before you take any step you will live to regret. You are young, and I am sure you are bound to meet someone who wants to be in a relationship with you and not use you.


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