Dear Dorothy,
I am in my early fifties and have been married for over 25 years to Ikem who is in his late fifties. I have fallen in love with a man who works in the same establishment as myself. He – Henry, is in his early forties and married with children. We are attracted to each other. We have kissed a few times. Although I feel that I am falling in love with him, I am not sure how he feels about me. I don’t know if I am just an amusement for him.
Ikem and I used to be quite close but have grown apart when he became a high-powered business executive. He is hardly at home, as he travels all over the world for business. I am also suspicious that he has girlfriends since he hardly gives me much loving when he is around. I think I may still love my husband, but I’m not at ease with his lack of attention.
Over the past few months, my feelings for Henry have grown stronger and stronger. I know there is no future for us together, but can we go ahead and have an affair, which can end whenever it does?
You may think I am sounding confused. I probably am, please advice me on how to go about sorting out my love life.
My Dear,
Considering that you have been married for more than 25 years, I think that the problem in your marriage is that you and your husband have gotten so used to each other that you are taking each other’s feelings and needs for granted. The two of you have also got to the point of living in your own worlds, and not communicating with each other. That he is always on the go, and you are a full-time worker does not help the situation.
My dear, I do not think you need to rush into an affair. Frankly there is no future in that, and it may only lead to much hurt and disappointments all round. What you need is a big pause and evaluation of your relationship with your husband of more than 25 years.
You say that you may still have some feelings for your husband, so I strongly suggest that you insist that you and your husband go away for a long weekend together to discuss frankly about the rot your marriage is in and how to work at getting back on good terms with one another. At both your ages, this is really not the time to go your separate ways when you have more or less shared your life together thus far.
Good luck.
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