Dear Dorothy: Alone & Lonely

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Dear Dorothy,

I’m 32, and have not had much luck in my relationships with men. The only attention I get from men are during parties and other functions where I get occasional stares, and come-ons (like most females in big cities). I don’t have a job unfortunately, but I do volunteer a lot at my church, and try to meet new people at volunteer programs.

I do not think I am choosy, but I am almost never interested in the men I meet. I may be attracted to them for a little while but after sometime, their personalities seem not to be the type I would like in a committed relationship. Conversely, the ones I find interesting with great personalities never seem interested in me. I am at the point where I think I’m just not appealing to anyone, and may never be. Only one man I knew in my University days showed any serious interest in me. However he was one of the popular guys on campus and tugged on the heartstrings of a lot of girls.

At 32, without a job and no man in my life, I am worried that I might end up alone. The loneliness is also getting to me.

I have close family relationships and some good friends, but I’m lonely for the companionship of a man. I’m not sure how to deal with that. Dorothy, how do you deal with this type of loneliness?

My Dear,

The older we get and the more life we live, the more we evolve in our knowledge of love and relationships. We are no longer living in a time when high school sweethearts get married, and experience growing up and growing old together. Most people are waiting until they have accomplished dreams and fulfilled visions of careers before they settle down to marriage. Is this the best foot forward? I do have my reservations because I think the important things in life are loving relationships in marriage, in families, in friends and acquaintances. That said, quite a number of people are opting to not get married at all, and more importantly, a lot are taking their happiness seriously – they are no longer willing to spend their lives with spouses or partners that make them unhappy.

Susan B. Anthony very wisely wrote, “I think the girl who is able to earn her own living and pay her own way should be as happy as anybody on earth. The sense of independence and security is very sweet.” An independent mind and spirit is one that can never be broken, regardless of what challenges you may face. My advice is that you should concentrate on getting a job since you are a graduate, even if it is a low paying one to start with. This will help boost your confidence and increase the circle of people you are in contact with. You should work at being an independent woman able to face the journey through life alone, no matter how dreary, hopeless and desolate it may get in the years to come. You should work at being able to look at each problem with a steadfast head, and trusting in your God who created you.

Life my dear is not easy, with all the challenges one has to face. There will be many days that challenge your firm stand, but with each struggle that comes your way, with each battle that you face, do so with the knowledge that you are equipped with the powers to handle each situation on your own with the grace of God. Don’t rest the highpoint of your happiness on having a relationship, but in doing things that you enjoy.

If a man’s personality puts you off, then he’s not right for you. You are only 32. There is plenty of time. It is a pity that you feel lonely at the moment, but sometimes in life, we have to endure certain situations and cannot just change them instantly.

When it comes to men, try at being friends with some of the men that you meet without any strings attached; this is a good starting point. Friendship is a human connection. Start with friendship and build from there. If you meet someone that you like and you think he likes you, there is noting wrong with asking him out on a date. It’s a two-way street. Some guys have difficulties in asking girls out for fear of being rejected.

You are obviously attractive as you get attention, so you just have to be patient. I would add that I’m so glad that you are not just going out with anyone and everyone in a bid to find the right one, as I think that is where many problems start.

Innately you may be afraid of intimacy and connection. Examine yourself and find out if this is the case, and take steps to address it.

Concentrate on what you do love in your life and the rest will follow in time; get a job and build your self-confidence and spirituality. I’m sure you will get to meet a man you will be in sync with, and who wants to be with you.

So take your life and your destiny in your hands. Build up your self-confidence and go for it girl. Life is for living.

What Do You Think?

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