Advice Papa Gave Me: Sex Should Be For Love Not Lust


My Dear Son,

As you are now growing into your late teens, your hormones are “running riot.”  And if the truth be told, you are looking over the pretty girls with lust in your heart. You desire to – as they say – begin to “sow your wild oats.”

My son, this may well be the case but I urge you to discipline your mind and emotions. Sex is such a powerful force. It is a creative force since out of the union of both a man and a woman, a child is brought into this world. This force that is creative should be treated with respect.

Sex should not be indulged in just for lust, as sexual intercourse can satisfy a person’s deep hunger for unity with another person, self-giving, commitment, belonging and love. There are people for whom sexual intercourse is a true spiritual experience. It brings fulfillment and real happiness. On the other hand, there are men and women who meet the opposite sex for the sole purpose of arousing and indulging themselves sexually. This experience is purely physical: the satisfying of an instinct or a habit — a release of sexual tension.

However, there’s a vast difference between sexual fulfillment and sexual gratification. Likewise, happiness is not the same thing as momentary pleasure, no matter how often experienced. Happiness does not come from pleasure. It is a byproduct of love. Love is not sexual indulgence. That is lust. And lust is the antithesis of love.

My son, our contemporary, “popular culture” grossly undervalues sex. It does not see the incomparable beauty of a person’s sexuality.  On the contrary, it reduces it to something trite, shallow, vulgar and primitive — to the level of animal copulation. It makes a monstrous caricature out of something that is singularly important and beautiful..

Life lived for someone else, self-giving, especially in the most intimate sexual act, creates a “closeness of persons,” which is the deepest of all possible relationships. Only in this sincere, disinterested form of self-giving, in living for someone else, can a person find fulfillment and happiness. A person who is unable to enjoy such a relationship on the sexual level can never feel happy or fulfilled.  A person, who lusts, therefore is selfish.

Self-giving — definitely — has nothing to do with two selfish persons meeting for the purpose of exchanging sexual favors. Only those who develop inner freedom can understand what giving your body to your spouse really means.

I ask that you reflect deeply on this and be guided accordingly.

Love you always.


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